


Artificial

by IndigoSparrow



Category: I Don't Know How But They Found Me (Band), Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Break Up, Depression, Drunken Kissing, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Only for Brallon though Ryllon (or whoever Dal ends up with) is the end goal, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Third Person Limited, Rating May Change, Self-Discovery, Work In Progress, shitty parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-23 09:24:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21317878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoSparrow/pseuds/IndigoSparrow
Summary: Everyone fakes something about themselves, and Dallon knows that better than anyone. A chameleon of a man who's scared that if he shows who he really is, the world will abandon him for better people. Because who he is doesn't feel like the normal variant of different. As he navigates the uncomfortable and terrifying world of young adulthood, free from parents who once were the puppeteers of his life, he interacts with several people, all of whom have their own fronts put up, each teaching Dallon a little bit about himself. But as he does that, he can't help but wonder if he's shoved things down and bottled stuff up too much.The dirty version: A little college AU fic about self discovery. Nothing super new or exciting. But, I suppose not everything needs to be a brand new innovation to be fun
Relationships: Brendon Urie/Dallon Weekes, Ryan Ross/Dallon Weekes
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Short first chapter, whoops. This was mostly just a thing to build up Dallon's character and show his internal thought processes. The second chapter will likely be longer in order to kickstart the plot into chapter three along with a bit more of building up on things. Chapter three will likely be short as well though - you'll see why once it comes to it. After that? Who the eff knows man, I'm just making things up as I go with a messy goal in mind.

Artificial. That was all he was, wasn't he? Someone molded together by unoriginal words and ideas based on what others want, rather than his own wants and desires.

It sounded like a sad existence, not being true to one's own character, but... was anyone? Everyone had something to fake. Something to push themselves forward as more likable to society, because being unlikable was less desirable than being genuine.

Society liked to push forward the movements of being yourself. Love yourself, love those around you. But then when people were themselves, they were largely ostracized. Demonized. Dead. And sure, in some cases that's justified. Don't kill people, you sicko.

But why judge the man who won't look you in the eye?  
The girl who constantly seems to be staring off into space?  
The people who melt under the kisses of the same sex?  
The others not listed?

Because they were different, apparently. They were different and gross, and they needed to go away. They chanted for the social lynching of those people because they didn't fit the mold of "normal different." Whatever that was.

And as Dallon stared at himself in the mirror, eyes dark and tired, with a frown etched onto his face so unmovable some may question if his expression was just an acrylic painting, he saw that abnormal difference within himself, and he'd long since decided that it wasn't worth it to go against those who hated him. So many others had, and it seemed to just get them nowhere. He was nineteen years old, and in university, because that was what people as smart as him did. Because people like him didn't chase stupid little dreams of running to Los Angeles to become famous somehow. People like him became doctors, lawyers. Important people who could throw money at their problems.

It was stupid, and Dallon could hear himself groaning at the words his mother reiterated to him each and every time he tried to bring up how miserable he was once you get money you'll be less miserable, sweetie. Rich people don't get sad. But he couldn't be rich one hundred thousand dollars in debt, could he mom? He'd compromised in that situation - telling her that he'd get a degree in English and aim to become an editor, because at least the thought of an English degree didn't make him want to shove a gun between his teeth. After all, he liked reading, and he liked studying how words could have an emotional impact. But with everything else? He was his parents' little puppet.

Being "antisocial" laced their words with poison. Being artistic had them ripping out his confidence and throwing it in the garbage right on top of his drawings. Being gay... he didn't want to think of that. So they didn't have to know that the new girlfriends he seemed to get every few weeks were all ditched because he sucked at pretending to be straight, not because he struggled to find someone good for him.

Maybe it killed him inside. And honestly, if someone pointed that out to him, maybe he'd agree. But they didn't have to know he was faking anything either. Because Dallon was a ghost in a house no one believed was haunted. Those who caught onto the spirit were dubbed as psychotic, and consequently shut down by everyone. Sometimes, even by the spirit himself.

With a final sigh, he decided that maybe it would be best to get going. He'd spent far too long getting lost in front of the mirror and honestly it made him feel like a narcissist even though for most of the time he spent, he hadn't even been able to see his face staring back at him. His head was too filled with a million different thoughts because it felt like the only time his brain would shut up was when he was asleep, but even then, sometimes his dreams would come to scream at him some more. He was like a celebrity, but the only rabid fan trying to get his attention was himself.

***

The day slogged on, and honestly, Dallon was sick of it by the time one o'clock hit and he had a break in between classes to get lunch. He was feeling overwhelmed and the nerves of his temples were running tests, causing the dull ache of a migraine that was enough to bug him, but not enough for him to go home to get some Advil. Not that he would have time, anyway. He'd been spending far too long lately holed up in his room due to depression, pushing it under the guise of studying, and as such he was losing contact with his friends.

Brendon had been the most persistent on trying to get him to hang out again, and with enough convincing, Dallon begrudgingly agreed that they could meet up at the local Denny's (it was "informal" as Brendon had said, Dal still wasn't too fussed on the idea) and talk for a bit. Catch up and discuss the latest. It would likely turn into Brendon talking at him more than a conversation, but that wasn't so bad, it wasn't like Dallon had much to talk about, anyway.

Upon arriving at the chosen location, Dallon saw that Brendon was already there, leaning against his car and taking a drag from a cigarette. Dallon didn't catch his frown immediately, but once he did, he forced it into a somewhat tight lipped neutral expression, heading over for a greeting.

The younger man's face immediately brightened up and he threw a grin in Dallon's direction, "You actually came!" He laughed, and Dallon couldn't help but be a bit offended, had he really gone without hanging out with anyone for that long? But he merely offered a shrug.  
"Mhm, figured that if I didn't, you'd break in and drag me out." Brendon simply rolled his eyes, and despite the smile that hung on, Dallon was afraid for a second that he'd come off as harsh, but no sooner, he was being pulled in for a light hug, only lasting for maybe fifteen seconds before Brendon was pulling back.  
"C'mon, it's cold out." Was all Brendon said to close the curtain on that brief conversation before he was turning and guiding Dallon into the restaurant.

  
“So, there’s a party going on tomorrow night…” Brendon’s words sounded casual to just the normal passerby, or someone who didn’t know him, but Dallon could immediately pick up on the undertones of the words. However, he stayed silent.

At this point, they had a table, and food in front of them, so he set down his plate and focused his attention on his friend, lips drawn out into a slight frown, but still leaning forward, silently urging him to go on.

“And I thought that maybe you should come with me.” Yep, there it was. And honestly, Dallon wasn’t too excited by the idea. Which, Brendon immediately seemed to realize as soon enough he was speaking again, “It’ll be fun! Good food, and music you might be into, please?”

Normally, Dallon would sigh, say no and leave it at that, but something drew him to say yes. Maybe it was because he felt bad for all of the neglect he put Brendon through, or something else, but after a brief second, he let out a small breath, and nodded softly, “Sure. Text me the time and all that.”

And okay, maybe that grin he got in return made it all worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

As Dallon left the building his mind was running through what he’d just agreed to. Maybe it wasn’t much. It was just a party invitation, but leave it to him to over think literally everything and get worried about what would end up happening.

It didn’t help that Dallon had never been to a college party and therefore had no idea what to expect. He’d been to high school ones before, but… those couldn’t possibly compare. College kids were more mature. Or well, he hoped they were, anyway, because he could still remember the mess that was his first high school party.

The lights were dimmed down or off, and no one could really see anyone, the smell of smoke flooded his nostrils with every breath, and people were so drunk and high they couldn’t think straight. By the end of the night, puke was just as much of a decoration as the poor houseplants that probably got drowned in piss.

He’d kissed a girl that night. Her breath tasted of alcohol, and the way she was giggling and clung to him told him that even before they got to the “romance” that lasted all of five seconds, before she was bouncing off to go flirt with some other guy. Overall, unsatisfying though he’d come back to that scene a year later, over thinking it and everything it stood for as new feelings muddled in his head. Ones that he very quickly denounced as false. He just wasn’t into her, right?

…Right?

Right.

Hopefully that wouldn’t happen again, either way. Dallon wasn’t all that much of a fan of being kissed, much less by random people he hardly knew, but he couldn’t really control what other people did. Even that night, he was more or less just going with whatever happened. Rolling with things because that was what you did at parties. You went with what happened and you didn’t try to think too hard on anything that did or didn’t. Especially not if you were drunk, not that Dallon had any experience, and he wasn’t too keen on gaining it either, but still.

His mind flicked to wondering if this really was such a good idea, if maybe he should cancel, but then he went back to that grin Brendon had flashed him. Brendon had wanted him there. He’d wanted to spend the night with him, and… maybe he should dip out of his comfort zone and just take the plunge. After all, Brendon would keep him safe. That was just fact.

***

  
Once back home at the end of the day, Dallon found himself immediately stumbling to the medicine cabinet to knock back a pair of pain pills to kill his headache before he had to go be somewhere that he assumed would have bass penetrating his eardrums and rattling his brain, because truth be told he didn’t fully believe Brendon’s promise of music he liked.

After that, he figured that since it was Friday, he had a reasonable amount of time to do homework and went right to outfit planning. He… had no idea what he was supposed to wear and he was fumbling between going completely casual to full on dress attire. Though… formally thinking that made him put the suit down and instead go back and forth between a button-up and t-shirt.

Maybe dressing a bit nicer would be best? Since he had no clue who would be there - likely Brendon’s friends though and therefore people he’d never met, so assuming they remembered him through the hangover, it’d probably be best to at least look nice. Not like some music nerd and a slob who shouldn’t be there, even if two of those three factors were completely and entirely true.

So, he donned his shirt, a simple pale blue with a little pocket in front, though what he’d use that pocket for he had no idea, along with a pair of black jeans. His hair would be fine messy, because it’d never cooperate anyway. Maybe it could help with a sort of “cool dude” aesthetic. Probably not but a man could dream, could he not? He was just too nervous for his own good and was trying to rationalize reasons for everything. In truth, few people would even notice he was there, assuming Brendon didn’t parade him around like he was a ludicrous contest prize.

With that mental assurance, Dallon turned to leave his bedroom and make his way to his destination, only to hear the slight creak of the door, pausing and watching as his roommate entered. He wasn’t surprised, at least, not until he noticed him and spoke.

“Going on a date or something?” Ryan’s head tilted, eyes slightly narrowed and Dallon could feel his face heat up, which earned a tick of a smile from his best friend.  
“No uh, Brendon invited me to a party, figured I’d dress up a bit for it.”  
Ryan huffed a laugh, but soon approached and clapped a hand on Dallon’s shoulder, “Good job on getting out for once, I’m proud of you! It’ll be okay.”  
The touch made Dallon jump, but soon enough, his chest was swollen and he returned Ryan’s grin, albeit a bit smaller and more tentative. Sometimes, Dallon envied the man’s ability to make anyone feel better about things. Truly a gift, but at least it was one that he was willing to share. “Thanks, trying not to worry, kind of failing, but, we’ll see how it goes I guess.” He laughed as he walked out the door. Honestly, he wished it was his party to invite someone to, having Ryan around would be immensely helpful, because he was pretty sure it was impossible to hate someone like Ryan Seaman.

***

  
There was a tug on his arm as Brendon led him through the halls to the apartment which held the party, not having quieted down since the ride there about how awesome it was going to be. It served little to ease Dallon’s nerves though, but the heartbeat in his ears soon enough was drowned out by the sound of music and voices.

For some reason, Dallon had expected a bouncer, and some kind of special invite list, because those were a large way of convincing himself not to go to parties, but to his surprise, they didn’t have to go through any kind of check to get in, and Dallon looked at Brendon with a little bit of a frown, eyebrows knitted, “We can just… enter?” He asked, voice practically a yell to fight against the music.

Brendon mirrored his expression soon after, “Yeah? What do you mean?”  
“Just… never mind. I’m being dumb.” He chuckled, and they moved on.

Thankfully, the smell of smoke wasn’t in the air, and Dallon definitely wouldn’t mind if it stayed that way. However, it was dark and hard to see, so he kept a grip on Brendon’s hand like he were a child being guided through things. Which, he practically was. A child to parties. Things were pretty normal as of yet, no one seemed drunk and everyone was just socializing with the background of music, solo cups in hand or arriving just like them.

Brendon took this time to guide him, more gently now to people, weaving through the crowds and introducing him to what was really only like four people but still too many for him to properly keep track of - Pete, Gabe, Frank, Tyler. Normal names but for some reason with all the stimulation they were drowned within his brain and he felt awkward as he simply gave each one a slight smile and a brief hello. Yeah, he was not made for this.

He was honestly glad when they got to the buffet table. Food didn’t require social skills, and he was all too eager to get a plate with some snacks, hardly noticing Brendon pouring drinks until one was offered to him. Dallon looked at it in suspicious curiosity, “What is that?”  
“Just beer, it’ll loosen you up.” The younger man replied with nonchalantness that had Dallon a bit concerned. Not because of being scared something more was in it but… alcohol, really?  
“I…” He wanted to refuse, but with a breath, he took it. What harm could it do for one night? God would forgive him. Besides, he always preached about hating the stuff without trying it. Which, quite frankly was hypocritical.

As the night progressed, things fell apart. What was once civility turned into a lot of running around, a game of truth or dare that Brendon played but Dallon simply watched with disapproving amusement, and nudity. Apparently alcohol made you hate clothes or something. Speaking of alcohol, Dallon was drunk. Way too drunk. One cup turned to two. Two turned to four. Four to five, and yeah, it kind of showed.

Brendon was his safety. The one he clung to, and by this point, both had their fair share of drinks. Playful flirting went back and forth between the duo, and they were getting more and more risky with their little touches. That all fell away for now right now, though.

The party was settling down and the two were pressed close with Brendon leading Dallon in a slow dance as the party’s playlist went into a slower wind-down mode, their eyes stayed interlocked except when their legs didn’t step where expected. They figured this out eventually, however, and were far more in sync now.

“For being a supposed amateur you’re not bad at this.” Brendon murmured into Dallon’s ear, his breath hot against the shell of it, sending a weird shiver down his spine.  
“Guess I still remember a bit of the lessons, plus, I have the easy part.” He kept his voice quiet, since there were people passed out or talking quietly all around them, plus it fit the mood better.  
“Then let’s switch and you can show me what you’ve got.” Before Dallon could reply, he was being spun out of the dance and soon enough was having to come back leading Brendon on. This was far harder, but Dallon got used to it quick enough, little chuckles falling into place with every mistake.

And it was after one of these bouts of laughter that Brendon slowly halted them and leaned up, leaving Dallon confused but curious until he felt heat and alcohol on his tongue, and somehow, it felt right to close the gap, his heart hammering in his chest and ringing in his ears.

Maybe there was something up with his first kiss, all those years ago. Because this one somehow felt better and more natural. Though that could be just because it was with a friend this time. Dallon couldn’t say he was complaining no matter what, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiss scene this early? Yep. Pretty much. This doesn't kickstart them getting together though - neither will Chapter 3 - there needs to a be a little bit of lagging and self-loathing before that part. However, if there isn't an action for Dallon to actually /reflect/ on his life choices and if his masquerade is really worth things, there would be no progression. Thus I chose something pretty drastic in order to do it

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if there are any errors! I proofread but your eyes will be the first on these chapters aside from mine. My Brendon probably isn't super great though, already am anticipating that one. He's difficult


End file.
